


Insomnia

by Kate_Shepard



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Murder, C-Sec, F/M, Feelings, Inspired by a Movie, Murder, Murder Mystery, Murder-Suicide, Mystery, Renegade Commander Shepard, Serial Killers, Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2016-11-17
Packaged: 2018-08-31 11:52:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8577427
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kate_Shepard/pseuds/Kate_Shepard
Summary: When Shepard, a newly-promoted homicide investigator, gets her first case, it hits far too close to home. A serial killer is murdering turians on the Citadel, turians Shepard knows, and she isn't certain that she isn't the one who killed them.





	1. Chapter 1

Shepard strode into the Dark Star Lounge with a grin and a swagger. She’d just broken her first big case, a batarian who’d been killing consorts in the Wards, and earned herself a promotion from Enforcement to Investigations. She walked up to the group waiting on her and flashed her new badge. She’d been waiting her entire career for this. Ashley Williams, her first patrol partner, clapped her on the back and congratulated her. Jack slid a shot glass across the bar and hurled the first insult of the night along with it. Shepard flipped her off with a smile and took the drink. She didn’t really mind the ragging from her buddies. It was good-natured and she knew they were glad for her. She hadn’t joined C-Sec to patrol and write speeding tickets. She’d joined to catch bad guys. 

Shepard came from a long line of cops. Her father had been one of the first humans in C-Sec. Her grandfather had been an officer in Chicago back on Earth just like his father and his father before him. Shepard had known she wanted to be a cop since she was a kid. Part of it was carrying on the family tradition. Part of it was an attempt to atone. She wasn’t going to think of the latter tonight, though. Tonight, she was going to celebrate. 

“About time someone recognized what you can do, Shepard,” Lawson said with a smile. 

“Yeah,” Alenko sneered, slinking up to them. “But I’m sure if my mentor was the executor, I’d be getting some recognition, too. Isn’t that right, _Detective_ Shepard?”

Before she could do more than roll her eyes, Executor Anderson stepped up and said, “I think you underestimate my hearing, Officer Alenko. You want to be a detective, is that right? Okay. Earn that rank. There’s a guy at the bar who looks like he doesn’t belong. Describe him to me.” Alenko tried to peer between them and Anderson stepped in the way with a shake of his head. “Without looking. Come on, Officer. Give me a description and you get a promotion.”

Alenko laughed nervously and shrugged. “Uh, turian. Male. He’s got a thing on his head. Wearing armor. Come on, Executor. I don’t know. I’m off duty.”

Anderson raised a brow and looked at Shepard. She gave him a look that said she didn’t appreciate being put on the spot but his face was implacable. She sighed. “Turian. Male. Late forties. Pale silver, no facial markings. Extended zygomatic bones. Uneven fringe. Black cowl, white stitching, white circular design on top. Dull silver and black armor. Appears custom. Spectre symbol on the arm. Fits the description of Saren Arterius.”

Anderson turned to Alenko with a satisfied expression. “That’s why she’s the detective and you aren’t,” he said. “A good cop is never off-duty.” He clapped a hand over her shoulder and turned away. 

Alenko gave her an up-down look that made her skin crawl and she went in search of Garrus. Her patrol partner was at the bar and he, too, passed her a shot glass. “Well done, Shepard. Try not to forget us now that you’ve reached the big time.”

She snorted and drank the shot. “It should be you, big guy,” she said. 

“You know my dad would never allow that,” he said. “Be careful not to get lost in the piles of corpses. I’ve heard investigators begin to like the smell.”

Another turian walked up to the bar and took a seat. This one was a deep red with cream-colored markings on his face. He gave Garrus an appraising look and said, “And where did you hear that?”

“Around,” Garrus answered coolly.

Shepard glanced over at the other turian and said, “And which office are you with?”

“What makes you think I’m with any office?” he asked. “Cops aren’t the only ones who come here.”

“Call it a hunch,” she said. He just grinned at her and leaned up against the bar. She returned her attention to Garrus as her buddies came over again. She was going to miss them but it wasn’t as if she would never see them again. They would keep in touch. She’d make sure of that. 

The party eventually wound down. Shepard was restless, so she found her way to Chora’s Den. Chora’s was seedier than Dark Star but she felt more at home here. These were her people. After her parents had died, Anderson had taken her in and raised her but there had always been a part of her that felt like it didn’t really fit anywhere. She felt comfortable around the forgotten elements of society.

She bellied up to the bar where a turian the color of shale with elaborate, blocky, white markings on his face flirted with a human woman. He looked over at her when the bartender slid her a drink and did a double-take. He was attractive enough and well-built. He’d do. She gestured for the bartender to make one for him as well. He seemed to forget the woman he’d been flirting with and gave Shepard a slow once-over. She tossed back her drink and said, “You live around here?”

His voice was husky and deep when he responded, “Close enough. I’m—”

“Don’t care,” she cut in. “Want to get out of here?”

Shepard didn’t think of herself as a slut, though she certainly didn’t lack for partners. She didn’t care about the sex as much as she did the ability to lose herself in the violence that came with a turian lover. They were rough, passionate, largely dominant, and she enjoyed the fight to establish herself as the one in charge. She didn’t worry. She didn’t think. That was the biggest benefit. She went with the turian to his apartment and left long before morning.


	2. Chapter 2

The following day found her at the C-Sec office in the Presidium Commons. She’d been stationed here as a rookie. It felt strange to walk in here wearing her new black and blue armor and heading for the offices rather than the shops. It was a good kind of strange, though; the kind that made her feel powerful. When she presented herself to the turian at the desk and asked for Detective Kryik, he nodded and gestured with his head for her to go inside.

She paused when she saw her new training partner. Detective Kryik was the same red turian from the night before. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” she said with a grin.

“No shit, Shepard,” he said seriously. “Consider yourself fortunate, Detective. You’re going to learn from the best.” 

“Is that so?” she asked. 

“Of course,” he said. “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of me.”

“I’m afraid not,” she said, shaking her head. 

A bulky, dark-haired human male motioned for her to join him. When she did, he said, “Hey, Shepard. Welcome to investigations. I’m afraid it’s going to take more than dumb luck to stay here, though.”

She shook her head and walked away and Kryik leaned in to say, “Vega was the lead on that batarian case. You stole his collar. Congratulations. You’ve already got enemies.”

“That’s the way I like it,” she said, unconcerned.

Kryik showed her around the parts of the department that she hadn’t seen before and introduced her to some of the guys. She gathered from the looks that she was given that Vega was a favorite and they didn’t appreciate her stepping on his toes. Too bad. They would get over it. Kryik didn’t seem worried and he was the one that mattered.

Her first day on the job was interesting to her because it was new but otherwise uneventful. She returned to her studio apartment there in the Commons and opened a bottle of wine to celebrate. A short time later, she sat on her bed with a box in front of her and the glass in her hand. She drained the glass and poured another one before opening the box. Inside were a handful of personal effects from her childhood and a stack of datapads filled with files and images.

She activated one of the datapads and began looking through the pictures. These weren’t typical family photos. These were crime scene photos from a series of murders that had taken place more than twenty years before. All of the victims but one were male. All had been beaten and then shot. An X was cut into the skin on their wrists. It had been the killer’s signature. Her father’s signature. 

The final two images were of her mother killed in the same manner and of her father dead by his own hand, driven to suicide by his own grief and guilt. Adam Shepard had murdered his wife’s lovers, murdered Hannah, and killed himself. In the final image, he sat at a table that bore his badge, a picture of herself and her mother, an ashtray with a burned-down cigarette, and a half-empty glass of whiskey.

Shepard stared at the image as she sipped her wine. She barely remembered her parents. All she had of her mother were impressions and flashes. Hannah had been kind, gentle but tough, a former soldier who’d fought in the First Contact War when Shepard was just a little kid. She could remember her mother sitting beside her bed and reading stories to her or listening to the ones that Shepard had made up for her. Beyond that, though, there was little more than pictures. 

She remembered Adam better. He had been the one who’d cared for her while her mother was away at war. She remembered him being funny and playful, a loving father, a devoted husband. She’d thought he was the smartest man in the whole wide world and had wanted to be just like him. He and Anderson had served on the police force her grandfather had been a part of until after the war when humans had been allowed into C-Sec. Adam and David had decided they wanted to see the newly-discovered galaxy and had moved to the Citadel with Adam’s family in tow. 

Shepard could still remember the first time she’d seen the station. The megatropolis that was Chi-town hadn’t prepared her for the never-ending bustle of the Wards, the buzz of skycars overhead, the knowledge that open space lay just on the other side of the hull, or for suddenly going from a place where there had been only humans to one where it was rare to see another of her kind. She had been a novelty to some, a potential victim to others. The bullying that came with being the only human child in her class had lasted until a turian boy, of all people, had put a stop to it and welcomed her into their group. 

Adam and David had been partners on Earth and remained so within C-Sec. It had been David Anderson who’d found the bodies, who’d come and picked her up from school, who’d taken the new orphan in and raised his partner’s child as his own. David had become a father to her and she loved him but that had never completely taken away the childish wish for her daddy to be there. As a child, she hadn’t understood what had happened. As an adult, she still didn’t entirely understand. As a cop, she couldn’t comprehend how no one had seen it coming and intervened. 

It would have been one thing if Adam had found out about the affairs and killed her mother and then himself. It was, unfortunately, all too common a scenario. However, it took a special type of rage to drive someone to stalk and kill people over a period of time the way he had. His hadn’t been a crime of passion done in the heat of the moment. It had been executed with a precision borne of careful planning. She couldn’t reconcile the daddy who’d carried her on his shoulders to the docks to watch the ships take off and land with the cop who’d turned serial killer. 

The picture in her hand grew blurry as she drained her glass of wine and she blinked to bring it back into focus. Her head was swimming and she looked at the wine bottle on the nightstand, trying to figure out just how much she’d drunk. The bottle divided into two and then came back to one but it wasn’t steady enough for her to get an accurate estimate. She tried to remember how many glasses she’d poured to get herself to the point of being truly drunk and couldn’t. She thought she must have been pouring and drinking without realizing it as she’d lost herself in memory and then decided it wasn’t important. She laid back on the bed with the datapad in her hand and thought she heard the sound of metal clinking against metal as the room went dark.


	3. Chapter 3

She woke to the sound of her omni-tool buzzing insistently. When she activated it, Kryik said, “Shepard! Where have you been all morning?” She shook her head to clear it and blinked rapidly in an attempt to clear away what felt like a pound of sand in her eyes. Kryik waved a hand and said, “Don’t worry about it. Meet me at the outpost. We’ve got a 1592.”

Shepard ran her fingers through her hair to straighten it and threw on a fresh uniform under her armor. Hurriedly, she repacked the box and returned it to its spot on the shelf before rushing out the door. Fortunately, the C-Sec outpost wasn’t far from Selkish Arms so it only took her a few minutes to reach Kryik. He motioned for her to accompany him to a waiting C-Sec skycar. 

She expected him to lay into her for being late to work on her second day but he didn’t mention it and she was grateful. She was slightly disturbed by the events of the night before and, though she’d apparently gotten plenty of sleep, she felt lethargic and slightly fuzzy. She was still trying to convince herself she didn’t have a drinking problem when they arrived at the scene. 

The victim was a turian. He was lying on the sandy shore of one of the lakes that glittered along the Presidium ring. Half of his face was caved in and his mandible hung shattered from his jaw. The cobalt blue blood that caked his plates didn’t strike the same visceral response in her that red did but it was jarring all the same. Kryik knelt down beside her and scanned the body before doing a physical examination. Shepard noticed a blade of grass lodged in one of the plates on his arm before turning her attention to the unmarred side of his face. Memory surfaced at the sight of the dull green markings lining the undamaged mandible and she shifted uncomfortably. 

Kryik glanced up at her and said, “You’ll get used to it. Don’t worry.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s not that. I think I know him.”

He led her over to Commander Bailey, the director of the investigative division and relayed what she’d said. Bailey looked at her sternly and said, “So his name’s Lilihierax and he goes to Chora’s Den and lives on Zakera Ward. Anything else?”

“No,” she said.

“And you know him how?” he asked.

“I, ah, met him there about a month ago,” she answered.

“How, exactly, do you know his given name and where he lives but not his surname or anything about him?” Bailey asked her.

She rocked back on her heel and crossed her arms before saying, “I met him in a bar and went home and had sex with him. You never picked up a woman in a bar before, Commander?”

“In my dreams, maybe,” he said. 

“You want us to take it?” Vega asked.

“No!” Shepard said. “We got the call. I met the guy once. There’s no conflict here. This is our case.”

Bailey looked to Kryik, who nodded, and said shortly, “Fine. But you’re going to talk to the staff psychologist and if she thinks for a minute that your judgment is compromised, you’re off of it.”

“A shrink?” she asked disbelievingly. “You’ve got to be kidding me. He was a one-night stand! I never saw him again. It’s not like we were lovers or anything. We fucked once. Who cares?”

Kryik put a hand on her elbow and drew her back. “Let it go,” he said. “It’s all right.”

“It’s stupid,” she snarled under her breath as they returned to the victim. “I don’t need a damn shrink.”

“It isn’t for you,” he said. “It’s for them. Now, tell me what you see.”

She knelt down by the body again and looked at it, trying to ignore the images in her head of Li bending her over. “Blunt force trauma to the face; looks like it was done with a solid object. Contusions on the waist. There’s a plate missing from his hand. It looks like it was pried off. He’s got grass lodged between some of his plates. There’s no blood in the sand. It could have been washed away but his clothing is dry. The sand around him is dry. There’s no blood beneath the body. He wasn’t killed here.”

“Good,” Kryik said. “Let’s go find ourselves a crime scene. Tali! Make sure you get a picture of his hand.”

The quarian crime scene photographer nodded and raised her omni-tool. Kryik waved Shepard with him and they walked around the pond. Unlike the Wards, the Presidium did have an artificial day and night cycle. The shopkeepers here were wealthy enough that they could close up at night but the banks and intergalactic trade floors remained open as did some of the restaurants to accommodate those who worked around the clock. The Presidium wasn’t as busy as the Wards at night but it still wasn’t deserted. There were few places outdoors that someone could kill someone else without fear of being seen. The park was one of them. 

A series of careful scans identified the location of the murder and picked up the victim’s blood but little else. If there had been a scuffle, the grass had resumed its shape and hidden it. There were no footprints or drag marks. There were no fibers. There was no DNA but the victim’s. Shepard scowled and said, “He didn’t beat himself to death. There has to be something.”

“Let’s get back to the office,” he suggested. “We can run this through the database. See if there are any similar crimes whose pattern this fits, ask around, find out if anyone saw anything. There’s always something, Shepard. Criminals always mess up somehow.”

They got nothing. No one had seen anything. No one had heard anything. There were no matching crimes. The salarian who ran the crime lab, Dr. Mordin Solus, found no evidence on the body. Within hours, they were left with no clues, no evidence, and no leads. It was a cold case in the making…or was it? The utter lack of evidence pointed to someone with a knowledge of police procedure. The missing plate on the hand could have been an accident or a signature. Shepard was betting on the latter. 

At the debrief before the end of the shift, she took the floor and pointed out that single detail, comparing it to other serial murders and said, “Be on the lookout for similar cases.”

Vega rolled his eyes and said, “First body and she’s already thinking serial killer. You got any idea how rare those are, Lola? Only a couple of species even have serial killers and those are less than a percent of the population. That plate could have come off while he was fighting. One dead body doesn’t equal a pile of corpses.”

Bailey nodded and said, “First rule of homicide: one body at a time, Shepard.”

Shepard shook her head and strode from the room. Homicide guys were assholes. She didn’t have time for their bullshit. She had a damn shrink to get to. Kryik tried to say something to her but she ignored him. He hadn’t backed her up in there and he should have. He agreed with her. She cursed inwardly the entire way to the doctor’s plush office and put on a neutral mask for the psychiatrist. She hated shrinks and Dr. Chakwas’ attempt at a soothing nature didn’t do much to allay her irritation at having to be here.

“I’m fine, Doc,” she insisted. “I barely knew the guy. I wasn’t expecting to see someone I recognized but I’m a cop. If a dead body’s going to send me into a tailspin even if it’s someone I’ve met before, then I’m in the wrong line of work.”

“Detective Shepard,” Chakwas said calmly, “I’m not here to make you or anyone else believe that there’s something wrong with you. This is standard procedure. My preference is to find that the officers I see are in good mental health.”

“Then this is your lucky day,” Shepard said. “Perfect mental health sitting right here.”

The doctor nodded and said, “Good. Then you won’t mind having a little chat with me and letting me get to know you. I understand you come from a long line of police officers. Tell me about your parents.”

“They died in a car crash,” Shepard lied.

“Is that what you tell people?” Chakwas asked. “I suppose that’s easier than outlining the truth.”

Shepard could see where this was going and held up a hand. “Doc. Really. I’m fine. I barely knew my parents. David Anderson is my father in every way that matters. What my dad did has no bearing on this case.”

“Oh?” Chakwas asked. “Your father was a detective who murdered six people, including your mother, and killed himself. You are a detective who specifically requested the homicide division. That doesn’t seem relevant to you?”

Shepard shook her head. “E-crimes bores me. I don’t want to spend my life scanning new arrivals at the docks. Search and rescue and dealing with pirates has no appeal to me. It was homicide or Special Response and, really, how often does the Citadel deal with terrorists or bomb threats or hostage situations? Homicide, though, that happens a lot. People are always going to kill people. Call it job security.”

“Job security,” Chakwas repeated. “Yes, I’m sure that’s all it is.”

Shepard inclined her head and said, “All right. So can I go?”

“For now,” the doctor answered. “I want to see you back tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Shepard exclaimed. “Doc, I’m working my first case and it looks like it’s going to be a big one. I don’t have time to sit and talk about my feelings about something that happened more than two decades ago!”

The doctor’s tone was implacable when she said, “Make time, Detective. This is mandatory. If you would like to continue working this case, you will also continue seeing me.”

Shepard shook her head in frustration but said, “Fine, Doc. Whatever you say.”

She received another unpleasant surprise when she went down to C-Sec HQ to look in on the batarian she’d apprehended. He was in one of the cells with his advocate and through the bars, she could hear him claiming police brutality. The advocate turned his head when she approached and excused himself from the cell. Shepard glared at the murderous batarian and felt a flash of sadistic pleasure when she saw that the marks on his face from her boot had scarred. 

“What the hell are you doing here, Decian?” she asked the advocate. “Don’t tell me you’re representing this scumbag.”

“Everyone has the right to a defense,” he said evenly.

She snorted. “Right. When you were on our side, you used to love taking guys like this down. What happened to ‘Crime doesn’t pay’? I caught him in the act!” 

“What happened to ‘Innocent until proven guilty,’ Detective? Are you saying that the police never make a mistake? That _you_ never make a mistake?” he asked.

“Not in this,” she said. “Your client is guilty.”

“That will be determined by a jury of his peers,” he said. He trailed a hand down her arm and said, “If you’d like to discuss this further, you could come by my place tonight. I waited for you to come back, you know. I was sure you would. You never did.”

“And I never will,” she said, “especially now that you’ve gone over to the dark side. You sold out, Chellick.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted non-con. Not graphic.

The following morning, she met up with Anderson at his apartment on the Silversun Strip. She sat on a barstool, letting her legs swing like she’d done when she was a kid. Breakfast with David had always been one of her favorite things. It was the only time she could get him to really talk about the past. He still didn’t talk about her dad but she could occasionally pry something about her mom out of him. She suspected it was easier for him to talk about Hannah than about Adam. She thought he still felt somewhat betrayed by his partner.

He carried their plates to the table and they sat down. She told him about the case she was working on and didn’t hold back the detail about knowing the victim. She could tell Anderson anything. He might not be happy about it but he’d have her back. He always had. He wouldn’t promote her without merit. She knew she’d earned her badge and had probably worked harder for it because of their relationship because he expected more from her but he would support her no matter what. She also told him about Chellick and the batarian’s claims that she’d brutalized him.

“He was resisting,” David said when she finished. “That’s your whole answer to his claims. Don’t embellish. Don’t try to get creative. Keep it short and simple. He was resisting. You had to take him down.”

“But—” she began.

“No buts,” he said. “It’s your word against his. Who’s a jury going to believe? The scumbag batarian accused of brutally raping and murdering several favored consorts or the decorated cop who took him down? He can say whatever he wants. You have nothing to worry about on that front.”

“But I have something to worry about otherwise?” she asked, taking a bite of her eggs.

Anderson scowled. “What the hell were you thinking going home with some turian groundskeeper you didn’t even know? I raised you better than that, Shepard.”

“Like you’ve never gone out and picked a woman up at a bar,” she said. “Come on, David. I know you and Dad had a wild side growing up.”

“Growing up,” he said. “You’re an adult. You’re thirty years old. You know better than that. You’re just like your mother and that’s good most of the time but sometimes it makes me worry about you. Your mom was a good woman but she had her problems and I don’t want to see you ending up like her.”

“Dead?” she asked.

“Unhappy,” he answered. “She had it all. She had a husband who loved her, a beautiful daughter, a nice home and yet it wasn’t enough. I don’t want that for you.”

Shepard smiled at him and said, “I know. You did a good job, David. I’m happy.”

___

Shepard and Kryik caught dinner together after work. They’d spent most of the day chasing leads that went nowhere, breathing down Mordin’s neck for clues that didn’t appear, and getting bruised by the brick walls that met them at every turn. The majority of murders left unsolved after the first twenty-four hours ended up in the cold-case files and, without the appearance of another body, it was beginning to look like this one was headed that way. It wasn’t a good way to start her career in homicide. 

Kryik could see her beginning to lose hope and so he’d insisted that they go out, have a drink, get some food, and take their minds off the case. She hadn’t expected it to work but, so far, it was. Flux was busy but not crowded and the food was decent and accommodated both dextros and levos. It was also quiet enough for conversation, unlike Chora’s, the Dark Star, and Purgatory. 

She’d known that Kryik was smart and insightful. She learned that he was interesting as well. He had a quick sense of humor, unlike most turians she knew, and he didn’t take much seriously unless he had to. He’d been born on a mercenary colony and his mother had sent him away to join the military when he was sixteen. Military life hadn’t suited him but investigative work did. He told her about the time his supervisor had released a suspect Nihlus had taken into custody because he didn’t like the way Nihlus had caught him. She told him about the hanar preacher in the Presidium who’d refused to either leave or get a permit and how she’d eventually tricked him into going away. He told her about a hanar who’d strangled his asari mistress to death and Shepard called him a liar because she couldn’t believe that a hanar would have an asari mistress. He swore it was true. 

Something caught his eye and Shepard followed his gaze to the door. She paused mid-sip of her drink and sneered. “Someone you know?” Nihlus asked. 

“Alenko,” she said bitterly. 

“He looks kind of familiar. Who is he?” he asked.

“The reason I don’t sleep with my coworkers,” she said, putting her drink on the table with a loud clunk as Nihlus nodded cockily at him. Alenko glared at Nihlus but shifted nervously when he saw Shepard. She shook her head and leaned closer to her partner as Alenko turned and left. “He’s a coward with a temper and a short fuse. He roughs up suspects and then he decided to try roughing me up, too. I put a stop to that and ended it with him but he never really got the message. He’ll learn someday, though.”

“I’m sure he will,” Nihlus said. He then looked at her and grinned.

“What?” she asked.

“Oh, nothing,” he said innocently. “I’ve just been trying to get you to go out with me for a week now. If I’d realized I just needed to get you frustrated, I’d have been piling on the workload.”

“Very funny,” she said, rolling her eyes.

“It worked, didn’t it?” he asked. 

“What’d I just say about not dating coworkers?” she asked with a raised eyebrow.

He shrugged and said, “Turians are different.”

“Right,” she drawled. “You’re a tease, Nihlus.”

“It isn’t teasing if you’re willing to follow through,” he said and she tried to pretend she didn’t shiver a bit with anticipation.

She went home alone and found her apartment door unlocked. She considered calling for backup but discarded the idea. She could take an intruder. Instead, she drew her pistol and eased inside. Movement behind the Japanese-style screens she’d put up to separate the living and sleeping areas drew her eye. She approached quietly and flipped around the screen. Alenko spun around to face her with his hand glowing blue. She lowered the pistol and huffed out a breath. He continued to glow for a moment and then it faded.

“What the hell are you doing here?” she asked.

“I wanted to talk to you,” he said. “Look, Shepard, I know I screwed up but you’ve got to give me another chance. We were good together.”

“Kaidan, it’s over. We’re over,” she said. “That’s not the kind of thing you go back to.”

He stepped forward and caught her around the waist. His tone was cajoling when he said, “Just let me show you, Shepard. Let me show you how good it can be again.”

“Kaidan,” she said as he slipped around behind her and his hands began to roam over her body. His mouth was hot and greedy against her neck and she tamped down on the revulsion she felt. “Let go,” she warned. 

His hand drifted down to her waistband and slipped under the fabric. “Come on, baby,” he whispered, licking her ear. “You don’t need all those turians. I can give you everything you need.”

Revulsion rose up again and combined with fury that he dared to put his hands on her. She threw her head back into his nose and buried her elbow in his waist. He stumbled back, clutching his abdomen and she drew her baton and slammed the butt of it into his face with two sharp strikes to the nose. He fell back screaming and she raised the baton again before seeing the fear in his eyes. It hit her like a bucket of cold water to the face and she scrambled backward and grabbed the first cloth she could find. 

“Shit, Kaidan. I’m sorry. I’m sorry,” she gasped, pressing the cloth to his nose. “I don’t know what came over me.”

He grabbed the shirt from her hand and jumped to his feet. “You’re insane!” he shouted. “You’re fucking crazy, Shepard! What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Kaidan, wait!” she called out as he threw the bloody shirt at her chest and stormed out. She pressed her hand to her head and stared down at the baton she still clutched before tossing it aside. Shakily, she went to the kitchen and poured a glass of wine and downed it. He was right. That had been crazy. She didn’t know what had come over her. She hadn’t just wanted to get him off of her. She’d wanted to kill him for touching her. For a moment, she imagined that was what her dad must have felt at the idea of another man touching his wife. Was she turning into him?

Her hands shook and the bottle rattled against the glass as she poured another and drank it, too. She braced her hands on either side of the sink and stared at her reflection in the darkened window overlooking the Presidium. She imagined that she could see her father’s eyes in her own and shuddered. When she stepped back, she swayed slightly. Carrying the bottle and the glass with her, she stumbled over to the couch and dropped heavily down onto it. Her vision blurred and that moment of pure peace she sought found her as she closed her eyes. In the background, metal jingled.


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard sat up groggily at the sound of her omni-tool’s alarm and rubbed her eyes. She’d fallen asleep on the couch and her back protested the position. Her entire body was sore and her mouth tasted like something had died in there. She stumbled into the bathroom and activated the shower. Her reflection caught her attention and she turned to look curiously at herself. There was a dark smudge below her eye and she thought it was makeup until she brushed it with a knuckle and it didn’t come off. She leaned in closer and traced it with a fingertip, leaving a smear of red in its wake. She jerked her hand back and looked at her finger. It had been cut and was bleeding. 

“What the hell happened last night?” she wondered aloud as she cleaned the wound and put a drop of medigel on it before getting into the shower. She remembered coming home and finding Kaidan in her apartment. She remembered hitting him and him running out but very little after that. It was odd. She never blacked out. Now, she’d done it twice in two weeks. Maybe she needed to talk to the doctor about it. “Real doc or shrink, though, Shepard? Is there something wrong or are you just going crazy like your old man?”

She dressed and grabbed a nutrigel packet as she headed to work. Nihlus was waiting for her. “We’ve got another 1592,” he said, turning her from the doorway. “Let’s go.”

“Any word on who the victim is?” she asked.

“Turian male,” he answered. “Nothing else.”

This one had been tucked up in one of the alleys that led into the keeper tunnels. Shepard looked first for the missing plate on his hand and a glance at Nihlus confirmed that he’d seen it, too. The man’s face had been beaten just like before and, again, she recognized the facial markings on the undamaged side. This was the one from Chora’s the night of her promotion. She kept her mouth shut this time, sure that she’d be taken off the case if she mentioned it, and did her job. He had been killed where he’d been discovered and they were hopeful that meant that they’d be able to find more clues this time. If the killer had been rushed or if someone had come by before he’d finished cleaning up, he might have left something behind for them to find.

She and Nihlus accompanied the body, identified as Lorik Qui’in, to the lab where Mordin Solus was waiting. He scanned the body and then began a thorough examination of it. She knew they’d hit pay dirt when he gave a quick smile. “Blood,” he said. “Red blood. Not our victim’s. Single drop. Plenty for me to analyze. Not as careful this time. Got away with it once. Likely grew arrogant. Arrogance leads to carelessness. Will have results in twelve hours.”

“That narrows it down,” Nihlus said. “The only three species ever known to harbor serial killers are ours and the asari. Asari blood is purple. Turians’ is blue. Our suspect is a human.”

“Probably male,” she said. “There have been a handful of female serial killers among my species but the vast majority are males. A human male familiar with police procedure. That narrows it down to a third of C-Sec, a fourth of the Alliance soldiers, a handful of civilian experts, and a couple of reporters.”

“It’s better than what we had this morning,” he said. “Want to get some lunch while we have a few minutes?”

She shook her head. “I have to go see that damn shrink. Later, maybe?”

___

“Why do you do what you do?” Shepard asked Chakwas.

The doctor tilted her head and then said, “I joined the Alliance right out of med school. I suppose I thought it would be romantic, flying around the galaxy, helping brooding soldiers work through their problems. It wasn’t quite what I expected. I eventually found my way here to the Citadel and Executor Anderson offered me a job.”

“Isn’t that a conflict of interest or something?” she asked, tapping her boot against the floor.

“No,” the doctor answered. “I wouldn’t call the executor a friend. He’s merely a colleague. Otherwise, treating everyone here would be a conflict. What’s on your mind, Shepard? You look stressed.”

“Stressed,” Shepard snorted, running a hand through her hair. “Yeah, you could say that. We found another body today. Turns out I knew this one, too. I fucked this one, too. Last week.”

“Shepard,” Chakwas said, leaning forward. “You must tell someone. Tell you partner. Tell Anderson. I don’t care who you tell but you have to let someone know. What if you’re in danger?”

“I don’t know that I’m the one in danger, Doc,” she said. “I don’t remember anything after about ten last night. I fell asleep on the couch but I don’t remember getting there.”

“Stress and a lack of proper sleep can do that, Detective. Perhaps you should consider taking some time off. You’ve been under a lot of pressure this past week,” the doctor said.

Shepard shook her head. “I can’t do that. If I do that, I might as well admit that I can’t do this job and I _can_. I just…what if I’m…”

“What?” the doctor asked. “What if you’re turning into your father?” She shook her head firmly. “No. We’ve been dredging up the past. It’s natural that you would wonder if you had that inside of you.”

“I don’t wonder,” Shepard said, leaning her head back against the plush chair. “I know I do.”

“This is not you, Detective,” the doctor said gently. “I don’t approve of the amount of drinking you do but even a glass or two of wine would inhibit not only your judgment but your motor function as well. If you were committing these crimes in a fugue state, you would not be as thorough as this killer in covering your tracks. You also would likely be unable to physically overpower the victims. It isn’t you.”

Shepard wasn’t as certain. If the doctor was right, then how did she come by the bruise on her face? How had she cut her finger? She’d had episodes of sleepwalking when she was a child. David had had to set the VI to alert him when she tried to leave the apartment after he’d found her roaming the docks in the middle of the night in her nightgown. It had happened a few times as an adult as well when she’d been under stress. 

She stopped by the lab where Mordin informed her that the DNA sample he’d acquired from the blood didn’t match anything in the criminal database or in those for C-Sec or the Alliance. She didn’t ask how he’d managed to run it through the Alliance’s systems. She didn’t think she wanted to know. They were dealing with an unknown. It wasn’t a cop or a soldier or a criminal who’d ever been caught before. That narrowed the pool down further but it wasn’t the break they’d been hoping for. 

When she finished at the lab, she went to C-Sec HQ. She wanted to speak with the batarian and was glad to find him alone. He cocked his head and she was fairly certain it was the insulting side rather than the respectful side but chose to ignore it. She stared at his largest set of eyes as he rose from his cot and approached the bars. He tried to distract her by looking around with the upper pair but she ignored those, too. It was a common technique among batarians to throw off binocular species. 

“I thought you might come by again,” he said. “Like always draws like.”

“What are you talking about?” she asked in a bored tone.

He grinned, showing a row of sharp, pointed teeth, and said, “You’re like me, Shepard. When did you realize it? When did you recognize that you had the capacity to kill? Everyone does, you know. It’s all about control. Most people just don’t want to see it in themselves. You and I, though, we know.”

“I’m nothing like you,” she said.

He chuckled and said, “You lie to yourself and to me. You are just like me.”

“Go to hell,” she snarled.

“What are you doing here, Detective?” Chellick demanded from behind her. “You can’t be here. Balak, how many times have I told you that you are not to speak to the police unless I’m here?”

“Chill, Chellick,” she said. “We were just chatting.”

“You expect me to believe that?” he asked. “Kryik, get your trainee under control.”

Shepard glanced over to see Nihlus standing a few feet away. She turned back to Chellick. “What the hell’s your problem, Decian? I won’t fuck you again so you’re pissed off?”

“You flaunt the rules, Shepard. You think they don’t apply to you. You’ll learn otherwise,” he said. “I promise you that. I’m going to hang you out to dry, Detective.”

“Go fuck yourself, Chellick,” she snarled and turned on her heel. When Nihlus fell in step beside her, she said, “Some days, I could just beat the shit out of him.” He gave her a considering look but said nothing.


	6. Chapter 6

He directed her back to the office where they were to explain their findings to the rest of the department. Bailey had decided to put together a task force now that the second victim had been found. He was determined that there wouldn’t be a third. Nihlus let her give the presentation and when she got to the second victim, Vega pushed toward the front. “Has Shepard been cleared as a suspect?” he asked. “Has anybody asked her if maybe she slept with this guy, too? I mean, he is a turian and she fucked the first one.”

Shepard saw red. Before sense could override anger, she was lashing out with her foot. Her boot caught Vega in the ass and the big man stumbled forward. The others caught him as he whirled around with his fists raised and Nihlus threw himself between them and shoved Shepard out the door. She ground her teeth together as she left the room with a heavy stride. 

“It was a joke, Shepard,” Nihlus said. “It was in bad taste, I’ll give you that, but it was a joke.”

She grasped the railing of the balcony overlooking the Commons and said, “Yeah. A joke. You want to hear the punchline? I did.”

Nihlus stared at her and said, “You did what?”

“I slept with this one, too,” she said. “The night of the party when I got my promotion.”

“And you didn’t bother to tell me that?” he hissed. “Why, Shepard? Why keep that from me? I’m your _partner_ , damn it! Partners are supposed to trust each other! We tell each other everything!”

“I thought you’d pull me off the case,” she said, staring down at her hands.

He huffed out a sigh and said, “Shepard, this is a pertinent detail and you know it. We have been trying to find a link other than species. Right now, we’re looking at motive as being racially driven. This gives us a new set of motives and narrows our field. You should have told me. This partnership will not work if you do not trust me.”

“I know,” she said, thinking of Garrus. He’d been more than her partner. He was her best friend. She would have told him the moment she’d recognized Lorik. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’ve…felt like I was being watched a few times lately but I haven’t seen anyone.” 

Nihlus turned and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “We will figure this out, Shepard, but this means it is possible that you are a target. We should tell Executor Anderson.” Shepard cringed but nodded.

They met the executor and Bailey in a café in the Commons. Nihlus laid out the situation and Bailey immediately began pushing to have her removed from the case. Shepard argued otherwise. Anderson listened to them both and then said, “This killer is smart. He’s probably watching us. If we pull her now, it could alert him that we’re onto him and he could go to ground.”

“Bait?” Nihlus asked. “That puts her in danger.”

“She’s a cop!” Anderson exclaimed. “Danger is part of the job.”

Bailey finally agreed to allow her to remain on the case and when he left them, she pulled Anderson aside. “Thanks for having my back,” she said.

“That wasn’t about you,” he told her. “It’s the sensible solution. Would you like to know what I really think? I think you’ve been foolish and careless and that isn’t like you. Turians, Shepard? I know you young people think it’s a new era and that it’s acceptable to go around doing what you want with whoever you want but we are only three decades out from war with their species. Your mother fought in the First Contact War. She watched her best friend die at a turian’s hands. She would be ashamed of you.”

“What’s gotten into you?” she asked. “You’ve never been xenophobic before.”

“My daughter has never been going home with random turians before, either,” he said and glanced over at Nihlus who was standing a respectful distance away. “Look, I know you’re a grown woman and it’s none of my business who you choose to sleep with but when it starts to bleed into your professional life, it becomes my business. You should be careful just how far you let it bleed over.”

“Dad,” she said, “Nihlus is my partner. That’s it.”

“Good,” he said. “Keep it that way. I worry about you, Shepard. I don’t like thinking that you’re a target. As your boss, I have to leave you in place. As your…father, I want to send you far away from here where you’ll be safe. I want so much for you. I want you to succeed in your career. I want you to have a home and a family. I don’t want you getting taken out by some madman because you’re making foolish decisions.”

“I’m not my mom,” she said gently. “I’ll be fine.”

___

Shepard poured a cup of coffee and carried it to her desk. She tensed when Vega propped his hip on the corner of it and grinned down at her. “I hear your papí let you stay on the case. What does he think about his adopted daughter being a turian fucker?” 

“Go to hell, Vega,” she said, making a note on the datapad in front of her as she fought to keep her hands relaxed.

“You want to hit me, don’t you, Lola?” he said. “Go ahead. Hit me. It’ll do so much good for that police brutality case the batarian’s building against you. Yeah. I heard about that. I’ve been keeping up with it since, ya know, it was supposed to be my case. What is it that makes you so violent, Shepard? Is it a sexual thing? Is that why you fuck turians? They’re the only ones who can take you?” Her fist clenched as he slid off of the desk and leaned over her. “You like it rough, Shepard? You like hitting people? Hurting people? You want to hit me right now. I can see it in your eyes. You’re just like your padre, aren’t you? So is the question when you’re going to snap or if you already have?”

“Go away, Vega,” she growled. She was gripping the datapad so hard that the screen cracked in her hand. Vega stood and laughed before walking away. She threw the datapad across the room and buried her face in her hands.

A short time later, she was pounding on the door to Nihlus’ apartment. He opened it and she stormed in. “What the hell, Nihlus?” she shouted, shoving him back. “You told Vega? How could you? I thought partners were supposed to trust each other!”

“Whoa!” he said, holding up his hands. “Easy, Shepard. What is this about? I didn’t say anything to Vega.”

“Then how did he know?” she demanded. 

“Bailey,” he said. “He thought the task force needed to know about the link. I asked him not to say anything but he insisted.”

“Damn him!” she said, raking a hand through her hair and looking for something to hit. “You could have warned me!”

“I didn’t realize he meant today,” Nihlus said. She strode toward the door but he caught her by the elbow. “Hold on. Where do you think you’re going?”

“Out,” she said. 

“I don’t think so,” he said. “Your body count is high enough.” She turned and punched him in the shoulder and he laughed. “Lighten up, Shepard. It was a joke. Sit down. I’m making dinner.”

“I can’t eat your food,” she reminded him.

“You did say we’d eat later,” he said. “I had a hunch you might be coming by. I’ve got dextro and levo food here.”

“You know how to cook levo?” she asked skeptically.

“No,” he admitted. “I cooked mine. I ordered yours.”


	7. Chapter 7

Shepard climbed up onto the tall turian-style barstool and looked at him sheepishly. “Sorry I hit you. It was you or Vega and I didn’t think I’d be able to stop if I hit Vega.”

“He can be an ass,” Nihlus said, “but he’s a good investigator. He’s just intimidated by you. They all are. You’re better than they are and that scares them. Add in your connection to the executor and you’re bound to make enemies. They’ll come around.” He passed her a plate before joining her at the table. “I forget that you’re a biotic,” he said after a moment of watching her eat.

“Yeah,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. “Anderson says I eat just like my mom did.”

“Do you miss her?” he asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “Which is strange because I barely knew her. Do you ever miss your mom?”

“Yes and no,” he said. “I was very angry with her for a long time for sending me away. It took years for me to realize that she’d done it for my own good.”

“You’re lucky,” she said quietly. “Having someone who cared about you that much…that’s lucky.”

“People care about you, too, Shepard,” he said. “Anderson, Vakarian, your enforcement buddies…me.”

“You don’t know me, Nihlus,” she said.

“Yes, I do,” he said. “You’re me a few years ago. Angry, bitter, proud, hotheaded, loyal almost to a fault, and too smart for your own good. Convinced you’re not worth it. You are, by the way. Worth it.” 

As he spoke, he slid a hand into her hair and leaned toward her. He gave her time to avoid him if she wished but it had been so long since she’d been touched by someone who gave a shit. She let him brush his stiff lips against hers and her arms went around his neck of their own volition. Her head fell back as his warm breath bathed her throat and his arms slid around her, making her hands clench on the ridge of plates over his spine. He drew her off of the barstool and across the room without taking his mouth from her. 

She felt like her body was on fire. There was a gaping emptiness inside of her that demanded to be filled. She didn’t want a random turian in a bar. She wanted him. She wanted him to bite her, touch her, fuck her, love her. She scraped her teeth along the side of his neck and pressed herself as fully against him as she could. His scent, his heat, his ragged breath, the rumble building in his chest, the scrape of his talons along her spine as he fought valiantly for control all served to undermine the crumbling vestiges of her own. 

Firm hands gripped her ankles and pulled her legs down. She gasped as she felt her pants being lowered over her hips. He stripped her quickly and she asked, “Have you ever been with a human?” 

“Yes,” he said and she tugged his head down so that his lips met hers. Soon his tongue was in her mouth and they were tumbling back onto the couch together. Her hands flew over his plated skin, finding the softer hide between the gaps before sliding down to stroke his slim waist. He groaned into her mouth and she felt his hands slide over her body. He noted the areas that made her gasp, the ones that made her groan, and the ones that drew broken cries from her.

He learned that she liked the sensation of his talons dragging down her back and she learned that he purred like a cat when she nipped at his mandible. He learned that scraping his teeth over her shoulder made her arch into him and rake her nails down his back and she learned that biting his neck made him go rigid and loudly groan her name. She discovered that the underside of his fringe was incredibly soft and that any touch there made his subvocals go haywire. He found that fisting his hand in the hair at the nape of her neck made her bare her throat with a moan.

When he slid into her in a single smooth stroke, she cried out and wrapped herself around him as she trembled in his arms. Her eyes widened as she felt him begin to move inside of her. She was overwhelmed with sensation as he held her so close to him that there wasn’t room for breath between them and she could barely tell where he ended and she began. “Good?” he asked in a tight voice as she gasped his name.

“Oh, gods,” she moaned and raked her nails under his fringe in reply. She let out a strangled cry when he withdrew completely and then hilted himself inside her again. “Oh, fuck, Nihlus!” she shouted as her body bowed into him and stars burst behind her eyelids. He drove her beyond thought, beyond words, into a blissful incoherency as he rumbled and groaned things her translator couldn’t understand. His arms tightened around her and she felt his teeth close over her shoulder and hold there. “Bite me, Nihlus.”

He groaned and moved his teeth to the center of her shoulder, away from the spot that would signify a bond mark. His free hand slid beneath her hips and lifted her to him as he picked up both speed and force until he was slamming into her as his control rapidly unraveled. When he felt her tighten against him as the first wave of her orgasm hit, he tightened his jaws and she felt his teeth slide into her skin. He groaned loudly as his body tensed and she felt him spill himself hot and viscous inside of her.

They lay where they were, breathing heavily and clinging to each other, as they returned to themselves. She felt his teeth withdraw from her skin and then the rough lap of his tongue against the pinprick wounds. He rolled so that they were lying on their sides on the couch and held her tightly against him. She wasn’t used to being held afterward and lay stiffly at first before relaxing into his heat. “There you go,” he said. “Trust, Shepard. You just need to learn to trust.”

Shepard woke a few hours later, surprised that she'd gone to sleep. She couldn't remember doing that without alcohol in years. She'd been an insomniac since her parents died. She slipped out of his arms and dressed quietly in the dark. She cast a look over her shoulder at him before walking out the door. On the way back to her apartment, she kept her thoughts clear. There would be time enough to think things through later. Right now, she was just confused. They barely knew each other. He couldn’t mean anything to her. And yet, for the first time in a long time, she wanted to turn around and lie back down in his arms. She hadn’t spent the night with a man since Kaidan and she reminded herself that it had been stupid back then and was even more stupid now. Nihlus wasn’t even the same species. He was her partner and her trainer. They had broken so many rules already. Wanting anything more from him was foolish.

She thought she heard something jingle and turned to look behind her. A shadow seemed to move but when she peered into the darkness, she saw nothing. Her hand went to the pistol on her hip and she flexed the other, prepared to charge if necessary. Still, nothing moved and she let her biotics ripple across her skin as a warning to anyone thinking that she would be an easy target before turning for home once more. 

By the time she reached her apartment, she’d convinced herself she had imagined it and then she was distracted by the package leaning up against her door. It was a long, gold box tied with a red ribbon and she saw a card tucked between the strip of fabric and the paper. She pulled it out, picturing a body part or a rifle or a bomb or a shotgun inside. When she read the note, she huffed out a sigh and kicked the box through the door. 

Damn Chellick. He couldn’t possibly think that a bouquet of flowers and a note would be enough of a peace offering to get her in his bed again. This was the last thing she needed. She uncorked a bottle of wine and poured a glass as she looked at the note. It was probably a trick to get her to his house either so that he could attempt to seduce her or to get information for his case. There was no reason for him to be offering her information. 

The flowers were nice, though. She could always put them in a vase and ignore the sender. With that decided, she put down the note and took the flowers to the sink. She thought they needed to be clipped and so she searched for her scissors while she finished her wine. She poured another glass when she found them and began to cut the ends of the stems while she thought. 

She’d slept with Nihlus. Generally, when she came home from getting laid, she showered and went to bed without giving it a second thought. She couldn’t do that with him. It wasn’t just that they worked together and she’d broken her rule against sleeping with coworkers, though that was certainly part of it. It was the way she’d felt during it. She was accustomed to feeling violent during sex, like she wanted to devour and destroy her partner. It was part of why she liked turians. They got into that kind of thing. This was the first time that she’d wanted one to overpower her and the first time that she had let herself succumb to the heat. He had been in control and she’d liked it. The thing that almost frightened her, though, was that she’d liked being in his arms afterward at least as much.

She realized that she’d attempted to cut the same stem three times when she nicked her finger. She brought it to her mouth and sucked the blood away before trying again. Her vision blurred and she swayed on her feet. Exhaustion sucked at her and she had just enough presence of mind to drop the scissors in the sink before falling back onto the floor. Intermingled with the crash of broken glass from the vase was the sound of metal clinking.


	8. Chapter 8

Shepard woke the next morning surrounded by flowers and broken glass. She rubbed her aching head and rolled over to assess the damage. The flowers had survived but the vase was gone, so she put them in a glass jar instead and set the cleaning mech to run while she showered. Her head was fuzzy but it cleared with the hot water washing over it and she managed to pull herself together. She wasn’t ready to face Nihlus yet, so she looked over the card from the night before with a sigh and decided to get that particular task over with first. 

Chellick had an apartment in the same building as Anderson and she hoped that she wouldn’t see her mentor and father figure. He would undoubtedly tell her that going to Decian was stupid and she was well aware of that fact. She didn’t need him to tell her that it was. Her curiosity had always been one of her biggest strengths and one of her biggest weaknesses. The offer of intel was almost too strong to resist.

The door to his apartment was unlocked, so when he didn’t answer the door, she went in. “Decian?” she called out. “You home? It’s Shepard.”

There was no answer, so she began to look around. The layout was similar to Anderson’s and she’d been here before so she knew where she was going. He wasn’t in the living areas or the kitchen or the library. He wasn’t up on the balcony or in the upstairs sitting area. That left only the bedrooms. She debated for a moment before going into his. He could still be sleeping or this could be part of his plan to get her back. She decided that if he was in bed, she’d turn around and leave.

He wasn’t. The bed was unmade and rumpled but empty. The door to the bathroom was open and she thought she saw pale golden fringe through the door. “Decian?” she called out. “Really, Chellick, I am not getting in there with you. Get dressed and just tell me what you needed to tell me.”

He didn’t answer and didn’t move. She drew her pistol as she crept into the room. She didn’t need to see his face to know what had happened. The missing plate on his hand and the blue blood swirling in the water were enough. She retraced her steps backward as her heart began to race and her mind screamed at her to get the hell out of there. She went downstairs and called Nihlus instead.

A few hours later, she sat in one of the interrogation rooms at C-Sec with Nihlus on the other side of the table. He looked uncomfortable and she said, “Just get it over with.”

“Where were you last night after you left my place?” he asked.

“Home,” she answered. She told him what had happened, leaving nothing out. She could only hope that there was no one on the other side of the one-way glass behind him but it wasn’t much of a hope and she could all but hear her career flushing down the drain. 

“You didn’t leave your apartment?” he asked. “Go straight over when you saw the note?”

“No,” she said. “I passed out on the floor and I woke up in the exact same place.”

“Shepard,” he said softly, leaning forward. “I’ve seen you drink. Two glasses of wine is not enough to make you pass out. What’s going on?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It had been a long day. I was tired. Maybe I’m anemic or something and the wine is enough to knock me out. I just don’t know.”

He tapped his datapad on the table and left the room. She put her face in her hands and bid her job goodbye. He was talking to Anderson and Bailey. She knew it. Not only were they going to pull her off the case, they were probably going to fire her and possibly him, too. At least he’d been smart enough to simply acknowledge that she’d been at his place and hadn’t mentioned what they’d been doing there. They could say they’d just been working and he would be safe. She wouldn’t have trashed his career, too.

He came back into the room and said, “Come on. We’ve got work to do.”

“What?” she asked, looking up at him. 

“Anderson wants you to stay on the case. He thinks we’re getting close. He thinks that Chellick was already dead when you found those flowers and that someone else sent them to you to get you there,” he explained. “He thinks they probably thought you would get angry and go right away.”

“The killer,” she said.

He nodded. “Are you sure you want to stay on this? If he’s baiting you now…”

“I’ll be fine,” she said. He gave a displeased hum but said nothing and simply gestured for her to follow him out.

Anderson’s theory made some sense but it didn’t change the fact that she had blacked out three times now and three people were dead the next morning. Shepard left Nihlus at the office and stopped in the bathroom at the lab. Using her fingernail, she reopened the cut from the scissors and wiped the blood on a paper towel. She placed the towel into an evidence bag and carried it with her into the lab.

Mordin looked up when she came in and she said, “I need you to run this for me. Right away.” 

“Right away means twenty-four hours,” he responded. “Backlog.”

“I need it faster than that,” she said. In twenty-four hours, someone else might be dead. “Please, Mordin.”

He glanced down at her hand and back up at her and nodded. “Twelve hours. Best I can do.”

“Thanks,” she said. “Hey, Mordin…can your tests tell you if someone’s a good person or not?”

“Sometimes,” he said. “Depends on meaning of good.” He turned to an asari across the room and said, “Dr. T’Soni, need toxicology, DNA, blood type. Cross-reference with sample from case 9874281.”

“Thank you,” Shepard said and turned away.

When she returned to the station, Nihlus pulled her into his office and said, “Shepard, about last night…”

“Don’t worry,” she said. “It won’t happen again.”

“I want it to,” he said. “But I understand if you don’t.”

“I do,” she said, placing a hand on his mandible. “I really do. I just…everyone who sleeps with me dies.”

“Well,” he said, putting his hands around her waist and drawing her closer. “If I’m already doomed, I might as well enjoy the perks beforehand, don’t you think?”

“If you put it that way…” She stood on tiptoe and wrapped her arms around his neck. His tongue was hot and rough against hers and her breath evaporated in her lungs. She pressed her body into his, silently cursing the armor they wore, and he drew her leg up over his hip and pushed her into the wall. Her hands came down to fumble at the seals of his armor and he groaned into her mouth.

They leapt apart when the door opened. Vega stuck his head in and gave them a knowing smirk before saying, “Lola, Papí wants you in his office. Seems to be a theme with you today.”

“Shut it, Vega,” Nihlus growled. 

“Just sayin’,” Vega said, holding his hands up as he backed away. “I just wanna know is her pussy that good in general or is it just like a magnet for turians? I mean, it must be pretty special considering that everybody who sticks his dick in there dies and people just keep doing it.” Shepard’s fist slammed into Vega’s jaw and she felt her knuckles crack but he went down. She stepped over him with a satisfied expression on her face and went to the executor’s office.

“Test,” Anderson said as soon as she walked in. “Face the bookshelf and tell me exactly what is on that bulletin board behind you.”

Shepard did as he said and closed her eyes as she tried to call the image up in her head. She’d barely glanced over it and, while that was generally all it took for her to pick up on even small details, she found herself struggling now. She named off what she thought she’d seen but was incorrect. Anderson rose from his seat and came to stand in front of her. “What the hell is going on with you, Shepard?” he demanded. “You’re unfocused, irresponsible, impulsive; your behavior is reprehensible. I promoted you to this position because I thought you could handle it. Was I wrong?”

“No, sir,” she answered. “I’m just tired. It won’t happen again.”

“It had better not,” he said. “You’re a better officer than any of those assholes out there and it’s time you started acting like it. Kicking co-workers. Sleeping with your partner. Punching people. Getting drunk every night. No more, Shepard! The next complaint I receive about you sends you back on patrol. You’ll be writing speeding tickets again faster than you can toss back a glass of wine. Go home, Shepard. Tomorrow is your last chance.”


	9. Chapter 9

Shepard didn’t go home but she did leave. She took a skycar to the top of the Presidium and watched the cars fly by below. She hadn’t been there long when a blue and white C-Sec vehicle flew up and landed beside hers. The door opened and Garrus stepped out with a small crate in his hands. He set it down behind her and took a seat next to her. She bumped his shoulder but didn’t speak. 

“I’ve always wanted to come up here,” he finally said. “Thanks for the excuse.”

“You gonna arrest me now?” she asked.

“I don’t think I can,” he said. “You outrank me now. Rough day, Shepard? Homicide not all it’s cracked up to be? You know, if you miss us that much, I still haven’t managed to keep a partner for more than a few days. I’d be glad to have you back.”

“You might,” she said with a sigh. “Hell, Garrus. I don’t know what’s going on. I don’t feel like myself at all. I don’t remember my temper being this short and I wasn’t getting wasted every night. Maybe I can’t handle it. Maybe I’m not cut out for this.”

“Bullshit,” he snorted. “This is your dream, Shepard. You just need to get your head right-side-up again. Come on. Up.”

She stood as he went to the crate. He opened it and tossed her a rifle. She caught it and cocked an eyebrow at him. “Are we going on a shooting spree?” she asked. “If so, I’ve got a list of names.”

“Just a friendly competition,” he said, tossing a bottle in his hand. He threw it and she brought the rifle up, sighted down on it, and pulled the trigger. It shattered. 

“Okay,” she said, “but do try to keep up.”

He snorted and picked up his own rifle. She had no doubt that he could beat her if he tried. She was decent with a sniper rifle but it was his weapon of choice. Still, she wouldn’t let him get off that easily. She threw a bottle for him and wasn’t surprised when he hit it. She lost herself in a trade-off rhythm of throw and shoot. Garrus didn’t ask questions, didn’t push her to talk, didn’t pressure her to do anything but play his silly game, and she slowly felt her tension drain away. 

“I’ve missed you, big guy,” she said after letting him get the winning shot. 

“Gonna propose to me now, Shepard?” he teased. 

“Hell, no,” she said. “Nyreen would kill me. I just…it’s not the same there. Down in Enforcement, we were all buddies. Investigations is all about competition. There’s no camaraderie. Your partner is the only one you can trust at your back. If he goes down, you’re screwed.”

“At least you have a good partner,” he said. “Mine left me for the high life.”

“Guys are dying, Garrus,” she said. “Guys I’ve known. Guys I’ve been with. And I can’t tell you it’s not me that’s killing them because I can’t remember anything.”

He looked at her as if she’d lost her mind and said, “That is the craziest thing you’ve ever said in many years of saying crazy things. I’ve worked with you for, what, over five years now? You aren’t a murderer. I shouldn’t even have to tell you that. You aren’t your dad, Shepard, any more than I’m mine. Lay off the batarian shard wine, eat better, and get more sleep. You’ll be fine. You’ll catch whoever it is that’s killing these guys. In the meantime, try not to jump my bones. I know I’m irresistible but I’d appreciate the effort.”

She laughed and shook her head. She’d needed this. “Thanks, Garrus.”

“Any time. I’m still right behind you, Shepard. You aren’t alone. Now, let’s get down from here before we both end up getting written up and you really are back on patrol.” He packed the crate up again and waved goodbye as she climbed into her skycar.

The night cycle was falling when she got home. She thought about pouring a glass of wine but decided to cook dinner instead. By the time it was simmering in the pan, she had almost convinced herself a single glass wouldn’t hurt. Perhaps if she drank while she ate, it would just help her get to sleep instead of knocking her out. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d been able to get to sleep sober outside of that short nap in Nihlus’ arms. She thought that maybe she should call him.

Her omni-tool dinged and she grinned as she activated it. Nihlus’ voice came over the speakers. “You’re home, right? I was in the neighborhood and thought I might drop by.”

“You’re always in the neighborhood, Nihlus,” she pointed out. “I practically live next door to the office.”

“Exactly,” he said and activated the vid feature. She saw him leaned back in his chair with his feet on his desk. “So, what about it? Want some company?”

“Come on,” she said with a smile. “I’m making dinner.”

“I’ll pick something up and be there in a few minutes,” he said. True to his word, the door to her apartment opened a few minutes later and he sauntered in, carrying a bag of takeout. He placed it on the counter beside the stove and slipped his arms around her waist from behind so that he could nuzzle her neck. “You seem more relaxed.”

“I had a shooting contest with Garrus today,” she told him, leaning back into his embrace. “I just needed to get away from it all for a little while.”

“It isn’t always this crazy,” he told her, running his hands up her arms. “It’s usually a lot of paperwork and waiting. We’ll wrap this up and things will be more normal. You’ll be bored in no time.”

“I don’t know about that,” she laughed. “There’s not a lot of normal in my life.”

“I think you’re burning your…whatever that is,” he said.

She opened her eyes and cursed before taking the pan off of the stove. “You were distracting me,” she said lightly. 

“I apologize,” he said with feigned sincerity. 

She shrugged. “I have hot sauce. Plates are in the cabinet up there.”

He drew down a pair of plates and arranged his food on his while she did the same with hers. They carried it over to the table and ate in companionable silence. He accompanied her into the kitchen and nipped lightly at her shoulder as she washed the dishes. She turned to him, running her fingers along the underside of his fringe, and he picked her up and settled her on the countertop.

Tracing her tongue with his, he slowly stripped her of her shirt. He retracted his talons and ran his fingers down her spine. The feeling of her small, nimble hands stripping him of his armor and undersuit had him growling deep in his chest. She groaned in response and her hands traveled over his chest plates before dipping in to stroke the softer hide between. He hissed in a breath and she lowered her head and drew her tongue along the gap at his shoulder. His fingers tightened on her and she heard his subvocals go haywire. 

He brought his hands up to cup her breasts and she pressed herself more fully into them. She gasped when his thumbs brushed over her nipples and he bent his head to run his tongue along the shell of her ear. She shivered and nipped his mandible. When he scraped his teeth lightly over the top of her shoulder, she moaned and her nails scraped over the back of his neck. When he ran his talons carefully down her back, she arched into him and sighed his name. This was different from what she usually had with her lovers, softer, but she couldn’t complain. He made her feel important and cherished.

She gasped when his thumbs brushed against the waistband of her underwear and her hips rolled. It was all the encouragement he needed and he knelt to remove her boots and pants. She leaned back onto her elbows and watched him. He was, quite simply, beautiful. He took her ankle in his hand and began running his lips and tongue up the inside of her leg. His mouth moved to her center and his tongue found her clit. He didn’t stop until she was writhing and her sex was dripping with moisture. He groaned into her as her fingers twined with his fringe. He stroked her entrance with his tongue before dipping inside of her and she shouted, “Oh, fuck, Nihlus!” as her nails scraped his fringe. Her biotics flickered over her skin as her thighs clamped down on the sides of his head and she knocked a fork off of the counter. He stood and pressed himself against her slick center. When she reached up and grasped his collar, he rolled his hips, sliding his cock along her, and she moaned, “Fuck me, Nihlus.”

Her hips rolled and he changed his position slightly to align himself better as her legs locked around his waist. He leaned down and trailed kisses down her neck, breathing her in, before licking along the tendon stretching from her collarbone to her jaw. She mewled when he nipped just below the protruding bone and tilted her head back to grant him access. He slipped his length down to press against her more fully. She wrapped her arms around his neck as he pushed into her. Her breath came in rapid pants and her hips rolled as her hands left his neck to bear down on the countertop.

“Spirits, Shepard,” he groaned when he finally hilted in her. He withdrew and thrust hard again, snapping his hips against her. She moaned and closed her eyes as he moved within her, grinding his plates against her. Her hands came up to grip his hips and he groaned into her throat as her nails scraped along his unplated hide. Here was the roughness that she craved but no longer truly needed. He pounded into her with deep, hard strokes that grew rougher and more demanding. He growled into her throat and raked his talons lightly along her back as her teeth clamped down on his shoulder. She cried out against him as he shifted her hips, seating himself deeper inside of her and pulsed out his release. Her head dropped onto his collar and they stood, breathing heavily.

Eventually, he lifted her from the counter and carried her over to the bed. She curled into him when he lay down beside her and drew the blanket up to cover them. Unaccustomed warmth filled her and she thought that maybe she’d finally found a better cure for her insomnia. His arms around her felt right and the sensation of his fingers threading through her hair was soothing. Her mind finally stopped racing and she relaxed against him as she fell asleep.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Attempted non-con, not actually achieved. Kaidan, not Nihlus.

She woke up to find him still beside her. He was already awake and propped on an elbow looking down at her. She raised a brow and rubbed her eyes as he leaned over and pressed his lips against her shoulder. She turned to face him and wrapped her arms around him for a moment, wishing they could stay like this all day, before getting up to get ready for work. 

The week that followed yielded nothing new as far as leads. Nihlus was the consummate professional while at the office but she occasionally looked up to find him watching her. She decided she liked the way their desks butted up against each other. She was able to watch him work and she felt herself smile secretly when she did. They could look at each other as they brainstormed theories and ideas and went over what little they knew. It had been so long since she’d actually cared about another person in anything approaching a romantic way that she was unaccustomed to the way her eyes would seek him out or the flutters in her stomach when she saw him do the same. 

Their off hours were spent either in her apartment or his and when they weren’t together, they were messaging each other throughout the day. She slept better than she had in years with him by her side. On the rare nights that he wasn’t there, she still needed a drink to get her to sleep but it was coming easier and she didn’t have any more episodes of blacking out. She began to think that perhaps it had all been a coincidence. 

The door opened as she was cleaning the dishes and finishing her second glass of wine. She turned with a smile, expecting Nihlus even though he’d said he needed to catch up on some things at home, and froze when she saw Kaidan. “How did you get in here?” she demanded.

He held up a hand and it glowed blue. “Manipulated the lock with mass effect fields,” he said. 

“Get out of my apartment,” she ordered, wishing she had kept her pistol on her hip when she’d come home. 

He walked toward her instead of away and she flared her barrier in warning. His hand continued to glow blue. The look in his golden eyes disturbed her and she wondered how she’d missed that he was crazy. A thought occurred to her and she said, “It’s you. You’re the one.”

“Took you long enough to figure that out,” he said with an eerie grin. “We could be happy again, Shepard.”

“You’re crazy,” she said and prepared to charge. 

He threw out a stasis and caught her before she could move. “No,” he said calmly. “You’re the crazy one. That’s okay. You just need to learn your place. That place isn’t on your knees in front of a damn turian. You’ll learn, though.”

He wrapped his arms around her and tilted her head back without releasing the biotic hold. Her vision began to blur and her head swam. _Not now,_ she thought. This couldn’t be happening now. His hands closed over her breasts and kneaded them hard. She forced herself to ignore it while she fought off both the stasis and the dizziness. His attention faltered and she was able to break free and charge across the room. She reached for her pistol and he threw it out of her reach. She sent a shockwave in his direction and stumbled for the door but doubled over as his reave hit her. 

What little fight she had left in her drained as the dark energy worked on her in tandem with whatever was sucking her into darkness. Her knees buckled and hit the floor and she slammed her fist into the ground, discharging her barrier in a weak nova that knocked him back but didn’t disable him. He lifted her up and carried her across the room. She felt the bed give beneath her as he dropped her onto it and heard the jingle of metal that signaled her exit.

When she woke, she thought for a moment that Nihlus was with her and it had all been a dream. Her eyes opened and reality shifted into nightmare. In place of the missing plate, a strip of skin had been removed from the human hand attached to the arm that was draped over her waist. The hand clutched her baton and she reluctantly rolled over. For a moment, she thought she’d imagined it because he looked like he was sleeping. Then she saw the blood on the pillow and reached out to turn his face so that she could see it. She let out a small shriek and threw herself away from the bed and scrambled across the floor.

She activated her omni-tool and Nihlus answered a moment later. “Come now,” she said. “Hurry.”

___

Once again, Shepard found herself on the wrong side of the interrogation room. This time, though, rather than her lover in front of her, she was faced with a stranger from Internal Affairs. The man introduced himself as Jacob Taylor and took a seat in front of her. She recognized the files in his hands and didn’t want to look at them. She wasn’t just a murderer; she was a cop-killer, too, a cop-killer who’d killed one of her own. She was the lowest form of scum. 

Taylor looked at her and asked, “Where were you the night of August fifteenth, the night that Lilihierax Verana was killed?” He laid the file in front of her with the crime scene photo of Li on top.

“I don’t know,” she answered.

“Where were you the night of August twenty-seventh when Lorik Qui’in was murdered?” he asked, doing the same with Lorik’s file.

“I don’t know,” she answered.

“Where were you the night of September eighth when Decian Chellick was murdered?” he asked, laying down the file.

“I don’t know,” she whispered.

“Where were you last night when Kaidan Alenko was killed?” he asked, laying that file down with the others.

“I don’t know,” she answered, feeling hot tears stream down her face. “I don’t know.” She looked at each of the files, feeling the weight of twenty-five years of dread come crashing down. “I don’t know.” She pulled them to her and held them to her chest. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I don’t know.”

___

Shepard lay on her back on the uncomfortable cot and looked up at the stained ceiling above her. “This is good, Doc,” she said. “It’s fine. I’m okay. This is where I should be. No one else will get hurt. Nihlus is safe. I don’t have to try to fight the monster anymore.”

Nihlus had been right to call it in and to stand guard over her until another unit arrived to take her in. She hoped that she hadn’t irrevocably damaged his career. She knew it was going to look bad on him that he’d been working directly with the killer and not only hadn’t realized it but had even slept with her. His reputation would be shot and she hated that. He was a good cop, a good detective, and he deserved better than to lose it all because of her.

She had developed a theory over the past few days in this cell and she shared it with Dr. Chakwas now. She theorized that seeing the batarian in the process of murdering the asari had caused something to snap in her and then the added pressure of her promotion had driven her over the edge. She had the same thing inside of her as her father had and had been dreading its advent all of her life. Her conscious refusal to be like her father had warred with her inherent nature and she had been unable to resist but simultaneously unable to face what she’d become. Thus, when the urge to kill had overtaken her, she’d blacked out into a fugue state where her conscious mind didn’t have to acknowledge what she’d done. As she became more and more suspicious of herself, she’d subconsciously escalated. Had she not been caught, she probably would have murdered Nihlus and then killed herself due to the guilt just like her father.

Chakwas didn’t speak and Shepard continued to stare up at the ceiling. She contemplated life inside of a cell and wished that the death penalty had not been outlawed. Still, she conceded, it was better than being free where she could hurt more people. She was creative. There was certainly some way that she could find to kill herself. The inhibitor cuffs around her wrists and the lack of an amp inside her port meant that her biotics were useless but that didn’t mean that she couldn’t strangle herself with her clothing or something. 

Nihlus was clearly distancing himself from her. He hadn’t come to visit her. As her lover, she didn’t blame him. He should stay as far away from her as possible. As her partner, it hurt but she still couldn’t blame him. Standing by her now could only further damage him and that was the last thing she wanted. A part of her did wonder if she would have killed him in the end. She hadn’t cared about the others. She’d come to hate Kaidan. What she felt for Nihlus was different, though. She cared more about his well-being than she did her own. She’d read somewhere once that that was what love was. She didn’t know if that was true but it certainly felt like it.


	11. Chapter 11

Shepard looked up as the cell door opened and Anderson entered. A wave of shame washed over her as she imagined the pain she must have put him through. First, his partner had turned into a murderer and now the woman he called his daughter had done the same. He would likely be devastated. “I’m sorry, sir,” she whispered. 

“You should be,” he said, “but not for what you think. Doctor Chakwas, have you prescribed her any medications in the course of your treatment?”

“No,” the doctor answered.

He passed a file to Dr. Chakwas and said, “Dr. Solus had a toxicology report run on her. There were drugs in her system. Specifically, tetraclopine was found in large doses within her system. Are you familiar with it?”

“No,” Dr. Chakwas said. “I’m afraid not.”

“It’s the new date-rape drug,” Anderson answered. “It causes temporary paralysis, dizziness, weakness, and memory loss. With extended use, it can impair judgment and cause impulsivity, anger, and control issues. So far, it hasn’t gained much popularity on the streets but we anticipate that it will soon. As of right now, the only people who have access to it are petty criminals…and cops. The point is that there is no possible way that Shepard killed those men if she was under the effects of the tetraclopine. You’re being released on bail, Detective. Get dressed and let’s go.”

“I didn’t do it?” Shepard asked in disbelief.

“Of course not,” he said. “You’ve been absolutely foolish but you aren’t your father, Shepard. You’ve never been like your father. You are every bit your mother. How could you have dropped your guard so completely as to allow someone the kind of access to your home that would have let them drug you and then allow Alenko to get in without you raising an alarm?”

“I don’t know, sir,” she said. 

“That isn’t good enough,” he said. “We’ll discuss this in the car.”

Shepard dressed and walked out of the cell wrapped in a kind of stunned surrealism. Everything she had thought about herself was wrong. She hadn’t done it. She walked swiftly alongside Anderson as she tried to reconcile her image of herself. She wasn’t a murderer. She was a victim. She hadn’t succumbed to her father’s legacy. She hadn’t gone insane. She had been drugged. “So…attacking the batarian. Not police brutality?” she asked hopefully.

He looked at her sideways and said, “No, that one was pure temper on your part. Everything that followed, though, was probably a side effect of the drug. I’ve never known you to kick a coworker before. You’ve been without it for a few days now. Things should start returning to normal soon.”

“So if I didn’t kill those people, who did?” she asked as they climbed into his skycar.

“I think you already know the answer to that,” he said. “Who has access to your apartment? Who knows your habits? Whose job is it to know where you are at any hour of the day or night because he might have to call you? Who might have taken issue with your other partners? Who should have come to see you in jail but didn’t?”

“Nihlus?” she asked, feeling her blood run cold. “But why?”

“Jealousy, perhaps? Territorial instinct run amok? He’s an alien, Shepard. His motivations might not be anything we recognize,” Anderson said. 

“He worked narcotics before moving to homicide. He’d been inside my apartment. He knew my routine. He knew where I was going to be most of the time and could anticipate my reactions,” she said, thinking of the night when he’d correctly guessed that she would come to him. Hell, it was very likely that he had, in fact, been the one who’d told Vega simply because he expected her to come and confront him. She added, “He knew how to manipulate me.”

“Kryik was the one who put your name forward for promotion weeks before you got it,” Anderson said. “I waited because I didn’t want it to look like I was favoring you. I knew it would be hard enough for you to break into that group on your own merit. If they thought you’d gotten in on mine, you never would have been accepted and that would have destroyed your chances to succeed.”

“So he’d been observing me,” she said, remembering the sensation of being watched.

“He could have known about Lilihierax and then seeing you with Lorik after the party may have sent him over the edge,” Anderson said with a nod.

“Damn it,” she cursed. She always fell for the crazy ones. People did say that women sought out men that reminded them of their fathers. She just wished she’d been able to seek out men like the father beside her now and not the insane serial killer. “Where are we going?”

“We’re going to have a little chat with him,” Anderson said. “I want to see his reaction to you being out before he learns of it from someone else.”

“You think he framed me,” she said.

“It makes sense,” he said. “It would have been too easy given your history.”

She didn’t want to believe him but the pieces fit. Her heart insisted that she loved Nihlus and that he loved her. Her mind told her heart it was wrong. She had always been more logical than emotional—the last month notwithstanding—and she couldn’t deny that it looked bad. She wouldn’t presume his guilt without hard evidence but she forcibly locked her emotions away so that she wouldn’t be swayed by them and could see what was in front of her if it was presented.

___

Nihlus opened the door to his apartment and a shocked look crossed his face before he drew her into his arms. “Shepard,” he breathed. “You’re out.”

She squeezed her eyes shut and tried not to let her resolve falter now that she was in his arms. How, she wondered, could he hold her like this and yet have set her up to take the fall for murders he’d committed? He would have to be entirely heartless, a pure sociopath. She hadn’t seen the insanity in Kaidan until it had been too late. She couldn’t let that happen with Nihlus. She drew back and motioned Anderson forward.

“Executor Anderson,” he said in surprise. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”

Anderson walked in and looked around the apartment. “I thought we’d have a little talk,” he said. “Take a seat.”

Nihlus shot her a curious look before moving to the table. Anderson went into the kitchen and tapped a gloved hand on the counter before reaching up into a cabinet and bringing down a trio of glasses. He looked in another cabinet and brought out a bottle of the amino-neutral wine Nihlus had begun keeping for her. Shepard watched Nihlus watch Anderson as he poured the glasses and brought them into the dining area. “Why didn’t you come to see me while I was locked up?” she asked him. “That’s what partners do, isn’t it? They visit if one of them is in jail for something she didn’t do.”

“I tried, Shepard,” he said. “My access was blocked. Excuse me, Executor, what are you doing?”

“A toast,” Anderson said. “To Shepard’s freedom.”

He passed the glasses around and Shepard looked at hers suspiciously. She seemed to have lost her taste for wine over the past few days and so she let it wet her lips and put it down without drinking. Anderson’s and Nihlus’ glasses clinked onto the table a moment later. “You wanted to talk?” Nihlus said. 

“Sit,” Anderson ordered and Nihlus obeyed.

“What is this about?” he asked, looking between them as Anderson rounded the table. 

“Tetraclopine,” Shepard said.

“Have you ever heard of it?” Anderson asked.

“Of course I’ve heard of it,” Nihlus answered, leaning over and clutching the table. 

“That’s right,” Anderson said. “Didn’t you have a girlfriend who died from that a few years ago?”

Shepard looked at Nihlus in surprise as his mandibles tightened and he shook his head as if to clear it. She said, “Someone’s been drugging me with it. Someone who’s been in my place, who’s been following me around. Someone who wanted me confused and incapacitated, out of the way so he could frame me for the murders.”

“What are you talking about, Shepard?” he asked, swaying slightly as his talons scraped the table. “You think _I_ did that to you?”

“You said it yourself, Nihlus. The only three races with serial killers are asari, humans, and turians,” she replied.

“Do you feel confused, Nihlus? Incapacitated?” Anderson asked, wandering over to a shelf by the wall.

“You put something in my drink,” Nihlus said.

“Well,” Anderson said, “you have quite the stash here.” He pulled out a slim box and tossed it to Shepard. “Tetraclopine.” He reached up into a basket on another shelf. “And what’s this? A baton with blue blood on it. How much do you want to bet that’s turian blood?”

“That isn’t mine,” Nihlus insisted, sinking down into the chair. “I didn’t do it. I did not kill those men.”

Something niggled in the back of Shepard’s brain but it was unclear. What was clear was that she was looking at what was likely the murder weapon in Nihlus’ apartment along with the drug used to dose her. She hadn’t wanted to believe that Nihlus was the killer but denial now was simply that: denial. He had the means, he had the motive, and he had the opportunity. She rubbed her forehead and told herself that she had to accept what was in front of her. 

Nihlus’ hand went to his hip but he was wearing civilian clothes and his pistol was on the counter. Shepard leapt for it at the same time he did and, by rights, he should have beaten her to it. Turians had far more speed than humans but her hand landed on it before his did and she shoved him against the wall. 

“No!” Anderson shouted. “Not like that.” The fight seemed to have gone out of Nihlus as he allowed Anderson to manhandle him back into the chair. “We’re in this together now. Partners. Now, you’ll understand.” Shepard looked at him in confusion. _Understand what?_ she wanted to know. She watched as he laid Nihlus’ badge on the table beside a picture of a turian female. He slid the wineglass into place and muttered to himself, “Turians don’t smoke.”


	12. Chapter 12

Shepard’s eyes widened as she remembered what she’d learned in one of her xenoscience classes. _The worst sin they can make in the eyes of their people is to lie about their own actions. Turians who murder will try to get away with it, but if directly questioned, most will confess the crime._ Nihlus wasn’t raised on Palaven but he had adopted the turian mentality in many ways and one of those was his sense of honor. Nihlus didn’t lie. When he unequivocally denied killing the men, he’d been telling the truth. That meant…

“He’s a cop-killer,” Anderson said as his voice took on its teaching tone. “That’s a special kind of crime and requires a special kind of justice. First, you make sure the crime scene is clean. Don’t touch anything, baby girl. You aren’t wearing gloves.” He picked up the two remaining glasses and carried them into the kitchen.

Shepard looked from Nihlus to Anderson in growing horror and dawning realization. The glass of alcohol, the badge, the picture, the note to himself that turians didn’t smoke. The ashtray on her father’s table. _No,_ she thought. _It can’t be._ Anderson couldn’t have… She put her hands behind her back and tapped her omni-tool.

“Second,” Anderson said, “don’t leave signs of restraint or any kind of struggle. A suicide victim isn’t going to restrain himself. Finally, you need motive.”

Shepard’s hands came up as Anderson returned to the dining area with the blood-encrusted baton in his hand. Nihlus had keyed his pistol in to her DNA and she’d done the same for him with hers. If either of them was disarmed, they could use the other’s weapon. The pistol unfolded in her hand and she sighted it on Anderson as she stepped between her father and her lover. “Put it down,” she said.

“Did you know that there are drugs that inhibit biotic use?” he asked conversationally. “Cerberus designed it. It’s called Omega-Enkaphalin or O-E for short. It takes some time to load into the system, so inhibitor cuffs are used in the beginning.” Shepard attempted to activate her barrier and nothing happened. She was in civilian clothes with no barrier and no biotics. He had shields. She would have to shoot him multiple times to get through them before he reached her. She took another step back. “In this case,” he said, “I’d say the guilt of killing another lover would do. The first one was ruled an accident but if a second one dies…well, that case would understandably need to be reopened. I told you that you were just like Hannah. Only she, at least, didn’t spread her legs for turians.”

“Stop where you are,” she said. “Don’t move or I’ll shoot.”

“You won’t shoot me, baby girl,” he said confidently. “Your mother couldn’t do it, either.”

“I am not my mother,” she ground out between her teeth as she pulled the trigger. His shields flickered and he rushed her. She pulled the trigger again and again until the heat sink overloaded. A single shot made it through his shields and into his shoulder. He slammed into her and she rolled with him, smashing the pistol into his face. He brought the baton up into her nose and she felt it snap as hot blood gushed down her face. She ignored the pain and dodged his second blow. 

Nihlus had been a soldier before he was a cop and a mercenary even before that. His apartment was riddled with hidden weapons and she kicked Anderson off of her and scrambled on her hands and knees to the table where she ripped another pistol free. Something hit the back of her head and the room went dark but she retained consciousness and rolled to the side. Another blow to her temple stunned her and she felt the pistol get ripped from her grasp. 

Shepard fought to stay awake and she opened her eyes to see a blurry Anderson wrapping Nihlus’ hand around the pistol. Her head swum, making the room spin, and it appeared as if there were two of each of them in front of her. She pulled herself back on her ass until she reached the couch in the living area. Her hand sought blindly for the weapon there and closed around the butt of the Wraith. She breathed a sigh of relief and then scooted back into the dining room. 

She couldn’t pull the trigger until she was sure of her target. With her vision doubled, she would surely hit Nihlus if she chose the wrong Anderson. She tried again to activate her barrier and felt a trickle of energy. The drug was wearing off. If she could just keep him from killing Nihlus, she might be able to beat Anderson on her own. Closing an eye brought the two versions of him closer together and she chose the more solid-looking one of the two. 

Anderson had his hand around Nihlus’ and put the barrel of the pistol up to Nihlus’ temple. Shepard had to be positive. If she hit anywhere but the head, she risked causing him to jerk and squeeze the trigger. She had to be perfect or Nihlus would die. She tried her barrier again and got more of a response this time, so she sent out a stasis field. She knew it was too weak to hold his entire body, so she focused on the hand with the gun. He turned to look at her in shock and she pulled the trigger. She knew she’d picked the wrong one when holes appeared in the wall behind him and she adjusted her aim. He lashed out with his foot and she chose to keep her focus on holding the stasis rather than protecting herself. She went down hard and her control faltered. The stasis broke and she kicked him in the knee, throwing his aim off. The slug ripped through one of the plates on Nihlus’ head but, rather than kill him, it woke him up. 

“Shepard!” he shouted, kicking Anderson in the belly. It was a weak kick but, combined with hers, it knocked his assailant back. 

“I can’t see!” she shouted, tossing the shotgun in his direction. The pair of him caught it and Shepard sent out a shockwave that threw Anderson against the wall with enough force to crack it. Nihlus stood and shouted as the weapon overloaded in his hands. “Hold him!” she ordered. Nihlus grabbed Anderson by the shoulders with his talons extended and Anderson froze. Shepard walked up to them and put her hand against Anderson’s chest. “This is for my parents,” she bit out and Nihlus quickly released him. The shockwave that left her palm slammed through Anderson’s chest and she felt bones snap beneath her hand.

The door opened and Garrus, Jack, and Miranda rushed in with their guns drawn. Garrus had his locked on Nihlus until Shepard said, “Stand down! He’s good! He’s good.”

“Fuck, Shepard,” Jack said, looking around the room. “What the hell happened here?”

“She did,” Garrus answered and went to Anderson. “It was the executor?” 

“He killed my parents,” she said. “My dad wasn’t a murderer. He did it and he tried to kill us.”

Nihlus caught her as her legs buckled and sank to the floor with her in his arms. She felt him sway weakly and went with him as he laid them both down on the floor. There were still two of him but it took only a moment for her hand to find his face and press down hard on the bleeding wound on his forehead. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I thought you were the one. I was wrong.” 

“I am the one,” he said with a grin. “You know touching that spot says you love me, right?”

“I think putting myself between you and a madman says it more,” she said.

“Nah,” he said. “That’s your job. How’d you figure out it wasn’t me?”

“You don’t lie,” she said. “Turians in general don’t lie but you weren’t raised with that. You chose to make that part of who you are. Once I remembered that, everything else fell into place.”

“You trusted me,” he said. “Took you a minute but you did it. _That_ says you love me.”

“All right,” she said. “You win. I love you. Both of you.”

“Both?” he asked. “I’m not sharing with Garrus.”

“There are two of you,” she informed him. “I’m not entirely sure which one’s the real you, so I’m telling both of you.”

“I think maybe you’re a little more hurt than I am,” he said, tearing a piece of his shirt off and replacing her hand with it on his forehead. “Stay there.” 

“Both of you stay still,” Garrus said, kneeling beside them and activating his omni-tool. She felt the cool slide of medigel and, within moments, her vision began to clear. Garrus put more medigel on Nihlus’ head and said, “That doesn’t mean I love you.”

___

Shepard rolled over and felt Nihlus’ arm tighten around her in his sleep. She nuzzled into his chest and he opened a green eye and looked at her. “Can’t sleep?” he asked groggily. 

“Cold,” she answered.

He tucked the blanket tighter around her and pulled her closer to him. She settled into his warmth with a sigh and pressed her lips to his keel. His forehead came to rest against hers and he buried his hand in her hair. Sleep tugged at her again and she reflected that his presence was the best cure for insomnia that she’d found. 

Since they’d taken Anderson down, they had worked together on a number of cases. Vega had quit being such an ass since she’d kicked his in the training room. Garrus was in line for a promotion to the investigative division and Nihlus had asked her how she’d felt about a three-man team. Bailey was now the executor in Anderson’s place. She’d continued seeing Dr. Chakwas of her own volition and was beginning to come to terms with what had happened to her family. 

She hadn’t thought that she could ever trust anyone enough to love again after Kaidan and certainly not as quickly as she’d come to love Nihlus but it had been almost a year and things were only getting better. Anderson had left her his apartment in his will and she’d been hesitant to take it until Nihlus had pointed out that he’d taken so much from her that it was only right that he’d given something back. They had moved in together after stripping the place down and completely remodeling. Shepard hadn’t wanted to stay in the apartment where she’d woken to find Kaidan dead beside her and Nihlus hadn’t wanted to stay in the apartment where they’d almost died together. Once the one in Tiberius Towers had been stripped down, it had felt like a fresh start for them both. 

She’d found some things belonging to her parents in the spare bedroom Anderson had used for storage. Among them was a diary that Hannah had kept. Through it, she was coming to know her parents as the people they had been rather than the hazy memories she held. Her mother hadn’t been perfect but she’d loved her daughter and, ultimately, her husband. She hadn’t been unfaithful. What Anderson had seen as infidelity due to unhappiness—and had secretly hoped would draw her to him—had been an arrangement begun while the two were separated during the war and continued afterward. It hadn’t lessened their love for each other and, while Shepard still didn’t entirely understand it, they’d been happy together. 

She liked to think that her parents would have understood her relationship with Nihlus and approved. They had wanted her to be happy as well and he did that. She didn’t think they would have minded that her best friend and her lover were both turian. Hannah Shepard hadn’t been one to hold a grudge and Adam Shepard had been very open-minded. Shepard thought that, perhaps, she was a bit more like her parents than she’d realized. 

Nihlus threw a heavy leg over her hip and nuzzled her hair. It would be tangled around his mandibles come morning but he wouldn’t mind. She settled deeper into his embrace and let sleep claim her once more. She needed to be rested. Tomorrow, she was meeting his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by the movie "Twisted" with Ashley Judd (who plays Investigator Shepard) and Samuel L. Jackson. A crossover fic, if you want to call it that. I tried to make this a Shakarian fic, but Nihlus fit the character better.


End file.
